A Room with a Moose (Transcript)
Pan to Zim's house. Zim sits in the spherical room in his underground lab, out of disguise. Monitor screens show camera views of students from the skool. Zim presses some buttons on a control panel. One shows Zita sipping from a water fountain. Some show a girl on the swings. Some show Matthew P. Mathers III and Keef on the jungle gym. Some show Penny reading a book. Some show Rob and Melvin in the cafeteria. Some show Jessica and Aki talking in a hallway. Zim watches a recording of himself playing dodgeball with various kids in the playground. Brian passes the ball to a kid and the kid passes the ball to Zim. Zim lets the ball bounce off of him. It rolls over to a kid who throws it at Zim, knocking Zim down. Zim grunts. The kids form a circle around Zim. The kids then point and laugh at Zim. Another monitor shows a recording of Trish waving. Zim walks up to Trish who frowns, then pulls back her lower eyelid with one finger and blows a raspberry at Zim. Zim watches a recording of Torque Smackey pushing him out of the way, then grinning. Zim watches a recording of himself walking down a skool hallway. Necky sticks his foot out and trips Zim. Zim yelps. Zim watches a recording of Smolga offering him a lick of her ice cream. Zim takes a lick and screams and then falls to the ground. Smolga laughs. Zim watches a recording of himself walking through the cafeteria with a tray of food. A large splat of food flies through the air and hits Zim in the back of the head, making him fall forward into his own tray of food. Dib pops into view, grinning and giving a thumbs-up. Dib: Hehe. Zim watches a recording of himself being tied to the tetherball pole by the tether, compliments of Dib. Zim watches a recording of Dib kicking him between the legs. Dib: Ya! Zim's eyes water and his wig falls off. Zim watches a recording of himself sitting on a bench holding a device. Dib pours a bucket of water over Zim. Zim drops the device and runs away, screaming and smoking. Dib hangs by a branch. Dib: What's your home planet's name, Zim? Come on, Zim, tell me! I'll find out everything about you sooner or later! I'll find out everything... Zim stops the recording. Zim: No, I don't think you will, Dib. I don't think you will! Cut to Ms. Bitters' classroom. Ms. Bitters: So, right around there, a negative stigma was attached to the idea of surviving on human flesh. Still, there were isolated groups of zombies that- Dib raises his hand. Ms. Bitters: Yes, Dib? Dib: Ms. Bitters... Zim's trip to the restroom has lasted a reeeaalll long time! Ms. Bitters: I recall you spending quite a long time in there recently as well. Ms. Bitters leans forward over her desk towards Dib. Dib: That was corn-and-mayonnaise day! Ms. Bitters: Oh, that's no excuse! Dib: He's up to something. I just know it! Ms. Bitters growls. The door to Ms. Bitters' class opens and Zim stands in the doorway. Zim: Ahhh... MY BUSINESS... is DONE! Zim walks to his desk. Dib: Who takes three hours to go to the bathroom before lunch, Zim? Zim slams a hand down on his desk. Zim: Nonsense! I had much to do! Zim turns around and shakes a fist at Zita. Zim: SOOO MUCH!! GIR's voice plays on the intercom. Dib looks up, surprised. GIR: Greetings, children of Earth! This is your new skool announcer! A special surprise mandatory field trip is happening for the following lucky children: Morla- Morla grins. GIR: Flan- Flan squeals and waves his arms. GIR: Retch Rutchie- Retch Rutchie makes ape noises while pounding his desk. GIR: Everyone in Ms. Bitters'... (the class starts cheering and throwing books into the air) class except for Zim. And especially Dib. Dib's eyes widen. GIR: All these children get to go to a special place made entirely of food. I like food. Now check this out! GIR starts beat-boxing into the intercom. Zim twiddles his thumb and then pulls out a remote control device. He presses a button and the intercom shuts off. Ms. Bitters: Go, all of you, go! Ms. Bitters points to the door. The students start running out, cheering. Kid: Field trips rock! Dib walks up to Zim and then looks back to Ms. Bitters. Dib: What about Zim? Why isn't he going? Zim: I guess I'm just not smart enough. Zim grips his head and makes a stupid look. Chunk laughs and then smacks Zim in the back of the head. Chunk: Yeah... Stupid. Doi! Chunk crosses his eyes and sticks his tongue out, making stupid noises as he walks out the door. Zim: It hurts me to see all you... dirty monsters go off to have so much fun. I guess I'll just have to stay and study harder. Zim pulls out a book and a ruler. He moves the ruler around the open book and it makes electronic noises. Dib: Watch him closely, Ms. Bitters. Ms. Bitters growls. The students get onto a strange looking bus. Dib is the last one on. He looks around and gasps as he sees the bus door seal. Dib turns around and sees a door at the front of the bus. He looks into a small window on the door. Dib: When did they start putting the driver behind a door? The bus engine starts running and Dib walks back to find a seat. Dib takes a seat between Spoo and Rob. Rob: Oh, man! He's sitting near us! Spoo and Rob get up and walk to the back. Dib: Okay, I know what you're gonna say, but I think there's something seriously wrong about this whole surprise field trip thing. Sara: You are so weird. Cut to Ms. Bitters' class. All the desks are empty except for Zim's. Ms. Bitters: Now, pull out your text book and begin memorizing the copy right information. You will be quizzed on this! Zim raises his hand. Zim: Ms. Bitters, I have a (stands up) MIGHTY NEED to use the restroom once again. Ms. Bitters: Okay, but that's your last restroom break for the rest of the skool year. Zim salutes and runs out of the classroom. Zim runs into the bathroom where the sound of GIR beat-boxing can be heard. Zim walks into one of the restroom stalls. He holds up the remote control. Zim: I shut it off, GIR. It worked. GIR sits on the toilet in his dog disguise holding a microphone-like device up to his face and beat-boxing into it. The microphone device is attached by a mechanical arm to a device attached to the stall wall. Zim: Let's go home. Zim pulls on part of the device attached to the stall wall and it compacts, taking the microphone device with it. GIR hops off of the toilet. Zim: Phase 2 is under way. GIR: That's my favorite phase! The device attached to the stall wall starts glowing red. Red light fills the stall and Zim and GIR disappear. Zim's voice: Leave no evidence! Duh, the kid in the stall next to the glowing stall, runs out to see the red light coming from it. Suddenly, an explosion occurs inside the stall and Duh's hair stands straight up. Cut to the bus. Dib looks out the window. Dib: What is this? We've been passing the same stuff over and over again! Outside, a dog walks along the side walk. Dib turns to the row behind his where Aki and Melvin sit. Melvin licks a lollipop. Dib: Look at that dog! That dog's gone by four, maybe five times already! Aki: What's wrong with the dog? Chunk leans over from the row behind Aki and Melvin's. Chunk: Yeah, I like the dog! Dib runs over to the door where the bus driver is. The door opens and Dib runs in. The door closes behind him. Rob: Dib. Flan: Yeah... Dib. Dib looks out of the window from within the driver's area. They are in a desert area with a few strange structures. Dib: Excuse me- The driver's seat turns around. The driver speaks with a mechanical voice. When he moves his arms, it makes mechanical sounds. Driver: Go back to your seat, young man, and keep your arms and legs inside the bus! Dib: Um... I couldn't help but notice ye- The bus driver's neck extends and his face opens up, revealing a monitor screen. The monitor screen shows Zim inside his lab and out of disguise. Zim: Hello Dib! Dib's long strand of hair hangs in front of his face and his eye twitches. Zim: This wouldn't be as much fun without you sticking your smelly nose in here. Cut to a large room in Zim's lab where a giant monitor screen shows Dib's face while Zim sits in the center of the room. GIR sits next to him, munching on walnuts. Zim: As you may have already guessed, this is a trap. You're really one of the only people who can appreciate the amazingness of this plan, so I'll let you in on what it is. Actually, I'll let you see. A control panel shows a diagram of the bus. Zim presses a button. Cut back to the driver's quarters where Dib is. Zim: Look out the window, would you? Dib goes over to the window and pushes his face up to it. Rockets emerge from compartment on the bus and wings unfold. The tires flip into a different position and Dib screams as the bus shoots into the air. Zim laughs. The bus leaves Earth's atmosphere. The students listen to Dib's screaming. Sara: Listen to him. Weirdo. The windows on the passenger area of the bus still show the dog walking down the sidewalk. Dib claws at the window. Zim: My mission might not be as exciting without you around to annoy me. But it will be more... pleasant. As Zim moves his arms, so does the robotic bus driver. Zim: Your fellow bus mates all smelled their fates the moment they stood in the way of my mission of doom. But you, destroying you will be the greatest victory. Dib: You won't get away with this, Zim! GIR's voice: Where are my walnuts? Zim: I already got away with it. See, look out the window. I would say I've got away with it pretty nicely. Dib: You're launching your enemies into space!?! That's your plan!?! This is crazy! Zim: Launching you into space is just the first part of my plan! Now is where the fun really starts! In front of the bus, a wormhole appears. Dib: A wormhole? Is that a wormhole!?! Zim: Impressed yet? Dib: Well, it's better than just launching us into space. Dib screams as his face stretches. The bus goes into the wormhole. In the passenger area of the bus, the windows still show the dog walking down the sidewalk, but the bus shakes. Aki: Road's gettin' bumpy! Chunk: That's a great dog. Cut back to the driver's area. The windows show the wormhole as the bus travels deeper into it. Zim: The wormhole is only phase 2 of my scheme. Dib: There's more? Zim: So much more. Cut to the large room in Zim's lab. Zim presses some buttons on his control panel. Zim: I researched many different wormholes with many possible outcomes. It was very difficult deciding which would be the most horrible for you. Cut back to the driver's area of the bus. Zim: One wormhole would have spat you out into a dimension of pure itching! On the monitor screen in the driver-bot's head, a window appears that shows the dimension of pure itching which is full of green mist. Zim: There. See? You can't really tell but that stuff's really itchy. The window showing the dimension disappears. Zim: Another would've sent you to a dimension of pure dooky! The camera view stays on Dib when the window showing the dimension of pure dooky appears, filling the room with brown light. Dib freaks out. Zim: But I chose this particular wormhole especially for the occasion. You see, at the end of this wormhole lies... a room... with a moose! A window on the monitor screen shows a pure white room with a large moose in it. Dib screams. Dib: Nooo- Wait a minute, did you say a room with a moose? Zim: Yes! Your fear is overwhelming, no? Dib: Um, no. What's so scary about a room with a stupid moose in it? I mean, yeah, that's a big moose, but really. Zim: Oh, I will show you. Prepare your bladder for imminent release! Dib groans. A compartment on the front bumper of the bus opens up and walnuts launch out. Dib peers out the front window. The driver's seat turns around Dib: Are those walnuts? Zim: Yes. GIR's voice: My walnuts! Zim: Watch the monitor, Dib. Watch it carefully. Dib looks up at the monitor screen. It shows the the moose chewing on the walnuts, with shards of the walnuts falling to the ground. Dib groans and crawls up onto the dashboard in fear. Dib: No! No! Noooo! The monitor screen shows Zim again. Zim: Now, Dib. I leave you to your... em.. GIR: Moosey fate, say moosey fate! Zim: Your moosey fate. GIR laughs. Zim hesitates, then laughs too. The bus driver's head closes up hiding the monitor screen. The driver's neck contracts to normal size. Dib hops off of the dash board and runs over to the door. He his a button and it opens up. The door closes behind him as he runs out. Dib: Everyone! We're in a wormhole! Zim has launched us into a wormhole and we're flying towards something horrible! Something just horrible! Dib groans as Rob walks up behind Dib and gives him a wedgie, lifting him off the ground. Jazzy music plays as still frames of Dib getting the wedgie are seen. Rob drops Dib to the ground. Dib crawls back to the seat he was in originally. Everyone in all the rows on that side of the bus (the right side of the bus) move over to the left side of the bus to be away from Dib. Dib looks out the window and sees the recording of the dog running along the sidewalk, barking. Dib: Wait! There might still be hope! I can use my computer to plot out the course of the wormhole! Chunk: I'm gonna punch you in your wormhole! All of the students laugh. Dib attaches a device to the window of the bus. The device is hooked by a cable to Dib's laptop. The laptop shows a diagram of the wormhole. It shows a fork in the wormhole along with an images of moose on the left side of the fork and Earth on the right side of the fork. Dib: There! Just ahead! A fork in the wormhole! The left leads directly to the room with the moose. Cut to the room with the moose. Cut back to Dib and his laptop. Dib: To the right... Earth! Home! Dib gets hit by a wad of paper thrown by one of the students. They all laugh. Dib looks at them angrily. His laptop starts beeping. Dib looks at it. It shows that he only has 60 seconds before the bus reaches the fork. Dib: Okay, Dib. Before you really try to think of a way out of this, think about what that would mean. On one hand, you'd be saving yourself. On the other hand, you'd also be saving... them! Jessica: Look! He's talking to himself again! Dib: You guys are just begging to face the moose! The students laugh. Dib hears Zim's voice in his head. Zim's voice: My mission might not be as exciting without you around to annoy me. An image of Zim fades in. Zim: But it will be more... pleasant. The image disappears. Dib: No! Without me the Earth is doomed! I can't let Zim run free, not while there's still hope! Everyone! I think I've got a plan! If we all move over to the right side of the bus, we just might be able to steer this thing clear of the moose room! Come on! We can go home! Rob: If we go over there, then we'd be near you. Jessica: That doesn't sound cool. Morla: Do you see our dilemma? Dib: Hurry! There isn't much time! The moose! The moose! Cut to a shot of the moose chewing walnuts. Cut back to the bus. The laptop shows that there is only 16 seconds left, counting down. Cut to the large room in Zim's lab. The giant monitor shows Chunk and Jessica. Chunk: Now he's talking about a moose. The monitor suddenly plays a kids show with happy jumping animal things. GIR, out of disguise, holds the remote and tilts his head back and forth to the show happily. Zim: GIR! Zim snatches the remote and changes it back to a view on the bus, this time on Dib. Dib looks at the laptop and sees that there is only 8 seconds, counting down. Dib sighs and walks over to the other side of the bus. He takes a seat next to Jessica. All the students moan and get up, taking seats on the right side of the bus. The bus leans towards the right and takes the right side of the fork in the wormhole. The wormhole opens up over the skool and the bus zooms out. It is now night. It parks right in front of the skool and the students start to get out. Sara: What a stupid field trip! Rob: Almost as stupid as Dib! Sara: Yeah, almost! Chunk: I'm gonna miss that dog. Dib grins and takes a deep breath of air, then jumps out of the bus. He stands there with pride. Cut to the large room in Zim's lab. Zim grunts as he pounds the control panel angrily. GIR squeaks happily as he also pounds the control panel. Zim: No! The moose has failed me! Zim steps onto a lowering platform. It lowers into the floor. The floor seals up. GIR stops pounding the control panel. He picks up the remote, stands up, and changes the channel on the giant monitor to that same kids show. Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Season 1 Transcripts